Sunday, October 7, 2007

Yet Another Day in the LIfe of...

It's hit me without warning. The dull dissatisfaction, blasé detachment from everyday life is real. Perhaps this is just a function of my own restlessness caused by a brief pause in an otherwise hectic life. The din is suddenly (though temporarily) gone and being able to hear and process my own thoughts has been interesting.

What is the engine that drives us? That physically and mentally transports us from one day to the next? What makes YOU wake up every morning? Is it a sense of responsibility so deeply ingrained that it's acceptance and your submission is guaranteed? Or is it willful? I am, as of yet, unable to answer the question. And it's bothering me. It's bothering me enough to come and write about it.

I am, it seems, pursued by own personal team of demons. They showed up about two years ago and we all got along quite well. But something has changed... maybe it's them. Maybe it's me. I'm not sure. But this malaise permeates everything.

I find that I have no other choice than to mentally repeat the same clich
éd declarations of action that have come and gone. The ones where I, with surprising sincerity, will these literally empty sentences into something profound. "Things have to change." the voice says, it's logic infallible, it's sense of purpose accepted completely by my being. Yet an emptiness remains. These words have not been able to manufacture any substance.

I am not exactly sure how this change will occur. And lest we forget, I am lazy, and therefore a fool.

I fear life, for the time being, will continue on without substantial meaning.

1 comment:

ZenDenizen said...

There is nothing to fear, I've been existing for over 3 decades with no meaning in sight.